But what if I do?

Maybe I’m clinging to clichés.

It’s possible that the past few years of my life have just been way harder than I thought they would be, so I’ve now turned to an almost blissful mindset believing that an upswing has to arrive eventually.

And it could be all wrong.

Or it could at least be partly right.

Either way, I know I’m standing at the end of this as one thing:

hopeful.

A foolish hopeful, possibly.

But a hopeful, nonetheless.

I’ve told myself a lot of things throughout my twenties. But there’s some things I’ve found myself repeating, especially lately.

To anyone who needs them, these are some words where my hope is found:

You might fail. It is entirely possible.

But even failing is moving you towards something. Something probably better than failing.

So, maybe it’s not such a bad thing to do after all.

But you also might succeed. That is also entirely possible.

And because of all the unexpected turns you took to get there, all the pain you went through, all the effort you fought yourself to give, I can only choose to believe that the success you find, whenever you find it and whatever you find it to look like, will feel even sweeter.

Pieces of your life will change.

Places, relationships, dreams, focuses.

And some of it will hurt.

Bad.

But some of it won’t.

Some of it will be more exciting than you ever thought possible.

Really read this one. This one has arguably helped me the most.

Sometimes, the most freeing thing you can do is to choose to love them anyways. Cheer for them anyways. Realize you’re just as human as the next and live your life through that lens.

Give more than you expect back, and I promise, weights will magically disappear from your chest.

Laugh with someone you once swore you never would find joy with again, drop the bitterness, and watch how your world flips. How your view shifts.

In the best way. 

You will mess up. Inevitably.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll lose hours of sleep over it, too.

You will hurt people. You will be hurt by people. And you will react wrong sometimes. You won’t always say the right words.

Pleasing everyone watching, you will find impossible.

But once you realize that no matter what you do, these things will happen from time to time, your best is a lot easier to find genuine rest in.

Joy will abound quicker.

Breathe. No really, breathe.

Stop over-explaining yourself to people you don’t need to explain any of your choices to. That might be the harshest sentence here. But for real. Stop doing it. Move on.

Stop overthinking too, while you’re at it.

Breathe.

Everyone was young once.

Your frontal lobe development is real! That sounds extremely lame.

But I can’t tell you how much relief I’ve felt, realizing what a gap there is, a gap that I actually feel, growth I see within myself, from just 22 to 25.

It’s wild.

There’s more to this.

There’s more to you.

Some years might cut deep, and some days might feel like three.

But you’re still here.

How cool is it that you haven’t met every face that will become faces you later can’t imagine your life without?

How beautiful is it that while some of your dreams have died, they’ve made way for ones you haven’t even dreamt yet?

Ones that will feel better.

Ones that will feel bigger.

How great is it that you are here?

Not absolutely everything is that serious.

There’s plenty in this life to just simply enjoy.

So, enjoy it.

How unmatched is that one feeling you get when the puzzle pieces finally click?

You know the one. It feels pretty sweet.

If nothing else, keep going for that. Take your next step in excitement for the day you don’t even realize is arriving when it does, when the pieces click.

When even one small thing snaps into place.

When one small plotline in your story, one small detail that confused you before, finally makes sense.

Yes, I will agree, that one thing running circles in your brain probably is actually scary.

I will agree that the idea that you may never arrive at the places you dream of, is hard to stomach.

But what if you do?

And what if you don’t, but the place you find your feet, is even better?

I am different person than I was two years ago.

Different than I was one year ago.

Even six months ago.

Arguably, because of one question I ask myself.

But what if I do?

But what if I do succeed?

But what if I do simply trust who I am, believing I will get to where I need to be? What if I do just trust that I will find the right people and places, and the right people and places will find me?

But what if I do let go of bitterness?

But what if I do forgive? Others and myself?

“What if…” is a question that, in the past, has actually stolen a lot of my hope.

Yet, I’ve found it slightly impossible for my human nature to completely stop asking it.

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to inquire sometimes.

I just had to find a way for it to not be innately harmful a lot of the time I found myself asking it.

Maybe I am clinging to clichés.

Maybe I’m more wrong than I am right. 

But what if I’m not?

More and more, I realize that my best is simply all I have to give.

What if I give all of it, all of my best,

and I do just find that as enough?

I’ll tell you that I really have tried to rest in that, particularly in recent months.

My best is all I have.

And because of that, my all I have to give, my best, is enough.

I have been a lighter human being with this genuinely at the forefront.

I have zero clue what’s coming for me.

And I’ve actually found freedom in that.

I’ve found hope instead of discouragement in the realization of my limited humanity.

My best is all I have.

And I have hope it’ll get me somewhere.